The sky was cumulating mean-looking clouds on one side. The night is going to be fun. I started looking out for a dumped car with at least some intact windows. There were a lot of rust buckets strewn around in various states of decay, oldest probably dating to the start of monster invasion. Or maybe not? I had no way of knowing for sure, but the nostalgic old-timers made everything before that seem so great and pristine that I was conditioned to think so. This junk heap had clear teeth marks by its missing half, so perhaps they weren’t wrong.
Contemplating lost civilisations was a terrible distraction. It had nothing to do with me. I lit up another cigarette, took a drag and pressed fingers onto my eyes. Being docile was such a drag. I continuously failed to keep myself in check with such a permissive master.
“What do you even want with me, really?” my frantic thoughts spilled out. “What the fuck did you mean by a pet? This is clearly not a sex thing ‘cause you’re puritanically predisposed, nor do you make ridiculous demands of me to prop your ego up. So, what? What is it you want me to do?”
I didn’t turn to grill him with a stare because there was no point. He wouldn’t even understand the gesture. There was nothing to see either. Monster showed what he wanted others to see. He probably won’t even reply, but the very long leash he’s given me permitted me to mouth off and some days it was hard to hold it all in.
A growl lazily ticked away until he finally deemed it a reasonable time to reply, “You humans keep animals as pets disregarding their wishes all the time, yet it somehow is an unfathomable concept to you? I will protect and care for you; you need not do anything.”
I thought at best he’d slap me with some non-answer, misunderstand or just play dumb, so an actual explanation kind of floored me. I sucked on my stress-relieving stick. It was just that. Plain interspecies hostage situation. Cat in a window. Dog on a leash. Fish in a bowl.
Relief flooded me. Laughed sincerely for the first time in weeks. Held onto my knees lest I’d just turn liquid from this complete and total relaxation.
He’d meant it so literally.
My warped mind was only circling darkest connotations of the word and waited for the worst. People of power and means in the manor have been turning us into dehumanized items to be abused and disposed of on a whim - but this wasn’t it at all. This I can actually do and not want to retch. He wasn’t a harsh master. The leash was long, enough to delude myself into feeling free. Was I being unrealistic? Very likely, but boy needed a little gaslighting to get through his day.
I shook my head and straightened out after gathering my wits together. Monster has stopped as well and had even turned to face me. He had no reason for the gesture hence it made it seem as though he thought I was having a thorough mental breakdown and was unsure what to do about it.
I smiled at him, still feeling the high of the ninth cloud. “So you’re not gonna make me into a mouth that lives on and on and never dies? Because, you know, nobody turns pets into body parts – I wouldn’t sew an entire cat to my butt and parade around. That’d be just weird. ”
“Why do you not want to live on? A lot of humans asked me to remove this limitation of your form,” monster wondered and I did not miss lack of the other answer.
I rolled my eyes - how contrary of him. Would be easier for everybody if he just took those who wanted to live forever. Win-win. “I’ve had enough, thanks,” I said.
It started drizzling and I got moving again. There were no conveniently placed shacks anywhere in the overgrown fields and cars have all seen better days. Oh well, I haven’t planned on sleeping tonight anyway. Monster must have fiddled with my exhaustion too because I wasn’t feeling nearly as depleted as I should be. Slogging through muddy pools will be an absolute nightmare regardless. The roads weren’t what they used to be and missing entirely in some sections. Plants reigned supreme. The odd metallic pillar here and there still informed me to look for fallen road signs whenever I could. Some were even propped up to be properly seen by a rare traveller. How unexpectedly kind.
Water stopped annoying my nose but I still heard it fall. Raised my eyes and found monster’s arm up, the sleeve stretching to make a roof over my head. I grinned like a fool and said, “Thanks.”
It’s not like I haven’t been promised the world before - plenty of clients did that. But pretending felt nice. Cherry would have tried to check my ears each time I’d fake believe all these lies the boys told me. And now she was dead.
“Why did you not help me at the douche manor?” I spat out the accusation.
“I did,” he said. And technically he was correct. When I didn’t need it anymore. My frame of mind soured further. Yes, I was entirely a moody bitch on a swing today.
“Earlier. Before that,” I ground out through my teeth.
“Did you want me to?”
I was disarmed and all my thoughts derailed. Did I?
I wasn’t expecting him to. He had no obligation there either. Did I hope for it? Did I want for literally anybody to pretend to give a shit? Yeah, obviously. Did I for a second think that would happen? No. Such sad state of affairs. And he wondered why I was done with living. The audacity.
“You didn’t need help. You’re quite the wildfire,” monster finished his thought. The underhanded praise doused some of my anger.
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He was still being a suspicious fuck. “What were you doing there anyway?”
“I smelled you nearby after explicitly placing you in safety. I came in to find out why you’d go back.” Alright, well, if you put it like that I wouldn’t have helped the dumb hoe either.
“Nobody has really asked me,” I grumbled and kept eyeing the horned monster suspiciously. The lords knew this particular monster enough to not panic. There was serious lack of gunfire too, considering how fortified the place has been. “And what were you doing nearby?”
“I searched where you came from.”
“Well, not there,” I still grumbled but found myself at a lack of reasonable things to be pissed off about. All of this could still be crock of shit, of course.
I slogged through wet grass and more often than not stepped into the puddle in the absolute dark. Hefty clouds made night fall so much quicker. Was I even on the road anymore? Sky in front of me was brighter, signalling I was on a right track at least. City still shone like the sun at night.
The cover he’s given me from the rain was far too sweet a gesture to not get to my head. I could not stop overthinking it. I wanted there to be some scent too, something to envelop me without touching but I was on my stinky lonesome. I contemplated diving headfirst into one of the puddles.
The proximity was driving me mad. I didn’t see the surroundings very well, so more often than not I’d stumble and grip the monster for stability. My hand lingered each time against my express wishes. Not long, just enough to beat myself up over.
Come on, stupid, don’t make it weird. We’d just established boundaries and I was perfectly happy not being a sentient sex toy for once.
Perhaps my wishes to touch him weren’t a purposeful conditioning, but a pleasant memory instead. Just like I kept on hoping, expecting, looking forward to finding more leftovers in a certain house’s trash. I was now aware of an extremely pleasurable reprieve and knew exactly where to find it. I’ll get over it. Just like I eventually stopped dumpster diving.
Cadence of rain changed. It sounded like it fell on tin somewhere. “What’s that?” I asked corking my head and trying to find the source. “There.”
Something started glowing in an eerie neon in front of the monster and floated away towards the sound. I tried to see what he’d done but was blind as a bat. Could only observe what he let me see. Grumbling, concentrated on blocky shape instead and was delighted to find that it was a van. A wide roof and possibly a cushy seat or two to nap in. I squealed and ran for it. Fought with the rusted up door and after few good whacks eventually won. Take that, inanimate objects!
Fell inside. The front was wrecked and a tree decorated interior, but it smelled dry. I stomped towards the back. A breeze told me some other window was missing here too, but the angle must have been just right to keep the elements out.
I fell into a chair and melted. Ahhh, it was so good to sit down. In all honesty, I had no idea how will I ever get up to resume the march. Everything was sore.
“You not coming in?” I asked after a while.
“No. Water doesn’t bother me,” sea monster replied and I shut up dejectedly. I had forgotten again. He would probably not hear very well from inside of this loud tin and that would be a bother. How fundamentally different they were.
I bent down to untie my shoes and spilled unfair amount of liquid from one of them. Rested them upturned, but wasn’t holding my breath for dryness. This would be uncomfortable and painful tomorrow. I had no hope socks would do any better either but after excessive wringing they joined the armrest nearby too.
“I smell blood,” monster growled from the outside. “Do you need me to heal you?”
I huffed. Probably. My heels did not want to be prodded. “Boy, do not sugar-coat it. That’s the least of what you can smell,” I grumbled and monster had not commented on the state of my griminess. I wasn’t normally that self-conscious of a little sweat, being street kid and all, but the creature could and apparently did catch a whiff of me leagues away. That did things to self-confidence.
I might have heard sloshing footsteps outside and huffed tiredly, “It’s fine, just a minor scuff. Leave it alone.”
I removed two remaining cigarettes from a chest pocket and put them and the matches safely away. Fingered the coin or whatever else it was in the pocket as I lied down to rest. It sure was chilly, especially with pants still partially dripping. All too familiar state of existence, I was just missing a warm back shivering against mine... Do I even have the luxury to rest? He was probably trying to break into certain high-end estates for information and revenge.
Monster’s growl changed and it discontinued my brooding. I tensed up and asked, “What is it?”
“I smell somebody. They know we’re here too.” I noted he didn’t say hear. It was something my monster couldn’t observe. The air trembled as if a gigantic hand swatted at a moon.
My leash holder’s growl was starting to rock the ground too and the dead of the night was growing even more terrifying. I remembered how much I hated being outside. Exposed and powerless. People weren’t even supposed to be here. I wanted to be back in civilisation, behind thick walls and numerous weapons.
I muttered, “I really should have showered.”
“It objects to my presence, not yours.”
It talks. A reasonable ginormous monstrosity. I can work with that. “Let’s go. Uh… tell it to give me a moment.” I fumbled around for the shoes. There were just the dry leaves.
“Sleep. It won’t do a thing,” the demon rasped smugly.
“You know, I like pancakes but I do not aspire to become one. And bold of you to think I could even sleep now,” I whisper-shouted out of the window, but did cease looking for the shoes. The absolute confidence had a calming effect. The outside had strong fleshy odour and one of thunder. The monsters must have had serious heart-to-heart.
“You’ve slept next to much worse before,” growls hissed back at me and sounded mocking, but the volume and reverberating ground was highly worrisome anyway. Dread was consuming my moves. Something very large was out there. My bones knew that, even if eyes saw nothing. Scratch that, there was a shape in the clouds.
“If you’re implying yourself, you need to remember all those other monsters which thought the same and died in your damn maw. Arrogance kills people and I’ve places to be tomorrow. Stop intimidating the nice giant and let’s just leave,” I pointed out through my panic.
“Readily accessible mass isn’t everything. It knows. That’s why it won’t come close. Don’t worry, it’s old and wise.”
Something brushed my face and I flinched, but it was a familiar touch and I didn’t fall back. Sat down in the dilapidated seat and leaned onto the car frame. Some droplets were landing on my face, but that quickly ceased too.
“Why do you all come out at night?” I grumbled into the darkness. It would be far less scary if I could see what was coming at me. Not each and every time, because I’m sure the incomprehensible organisms would still freak me the fuck out, but it would be nice to at least see what was coming.
“Safer to move. This world’s predators are active during the day.”
Huh?
“Us? You mean us? Humans.”
“Yes.”
“You… Are afraid? Of us?” What a mind-blowing concept.
“You are very vicious organism, capable of destroying worlds. Luckily for all the rest of us, you started with your own.”
“Yes, yes. Thank you,” I nodded with an upturned nose as befitting an inter-dimensional ambassador. “Assistance of you monsters is much obliged.” I said it in a jest, with no venom behind the words. Things were what they were, there absolutely was no point lamenting the what ifs. To begin with, monsters were a very recent development in my life.
“That only reinforces what I’ve said. Separate humans die easy, but when you band together as a singular organism you’re a vicious threat. It’s rare for different constructions to cooperate to such an extent.”
I felt that this was intended to be a compliment, but all I got from it was that he saw me as a mitochondria.
“So even we can kill that?” I pointed for the blind man yet again. I needed to stop.
“It’s hard to ignore boiling within a crater,” horned monster offered and even the slow child like myself could see some sense. The military had some serious hardware.
Speaking of dangers. “Why are you even growling all the time? I get that you need to see, but why not y’know… have eyes?”
“Sight is very limiting. I can hardly comprehend how nearly all species over here exist with such fatal flaw.”
“Um, because it’s not a flaw?” I argued very eloquently.
“You can’t even look at other human’s both eyes at the same time,” monster said petulantly and I wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of this statement. Then imagined a person right in front of me and found my gaze jumping back and forth between the eyes, or just fixing on the nose. Hm. Peculiar finding. Change tactic.
“But making noise all the damn time is just asking to be attacked.”
“And it is therefore a warning.”
He was making good points all around. At least one of us here had all his shit figured out.