The sun is covered by dark clouds more often than not.
I used to not mind it as it never got too hot in the summer or too cold in the winter. I liked the constant rain too. Nothing beats waking up cozily to the sound of light rain in the morning. It’s the only time where the outside world is quiet.
I grew tired of it.
I’m seen as perfect. I am. I was.
Nobody thought I would kill myself.
May 29th, 2012
I stared at the gray skies while I actively not listening to my friend’s conversation. I followed them as we walked back inside the school after leaving during our lunch period. We were in the last week of our junior year and I couldn’t have been more bored.
I had an extremely successful year. I became the most popular girl in the school. Everyone wants to be my friend. Everyone values my opinion. Everyone looks up to me. It’s everything I sought out to be, but I still feel empty.
Just because I was the ideal I chased, didn’t mean the people around me had the same pure intentions I had. I came to that realization that day when I found out just how much my friends were piggybacking off my popularity. They were jealous. They talked behind my back. They were never any real friends.
They were just snakes in the grass.
Megan was the biggest snake of them all. We were best friends for years and have known each other our entire lives. I thought there wasn’t anyone else who I could trust more. And then I had to go find out the secrets she’s been keeping from me. It was hard never confronting her about them. Our friendship was more important than the betrayal she did.
My other friends were not better. A lot of the time it felt like they were in on it; that everyone knew and just never told me. Like Megan, they were using me just for the attention. I was growing tired of not knowing who to trust. I grew tired of being around them. I grew tired of the stupid gossiping and drama they got themselves into.
I wanted something different.
Cody was different.
He’s who I looked at when I entered the cafeteria. Cody was a lot like me, popular, but he didn’t associate himself with my clique. He had his own, diverse, odd, and most importantly, not judgemental. They did their own thing and kept to themselves.
Cody glanced over to me, catching me staring. It was only a glance but his eyes felt like they pierced inside of mine. It’s his eyes that made him special. Meeting them makes it seem like Cody can look inside your soul like he’s able to read you. It’s like he’s always watching, pensive and protectful.
Like everyone else in school, we have known each other our entire lives. We grew up together in this small town of ours. We even dated in middle school. He was my first boyfriend, and I was his first girlfriend. We grew apart during the start of high school and rarely talked since.
I thought he would be the perfect distraction from the frustration I was ignoring. It wasn’t a mistake getting involved with him. It wasn’t his fault for how things turned out.
It was mine.
I wasn’t the perfect girl everyone wanted me to be.
-
Mom was like:
“You’re seriously going to waste your life like your brother?! Your counselor called, she showed me what classes you’re taking next year. Why aren’t you preparing for university?”If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.
And I was like:
“Taking AP classes doesn’t prepare you for any college classes. It’s all a sham and I don’t want to spend my last year buried in homework. It’s not like chilling for a bit will turn me into Matt.”
“Oh like your life is so hard. You’re acting like we’re not paying for any school you choose either.”
“Uh, no.” I said, “First of all, that’s Clint’s money. Second, I want nothing to do with him.”
“He’s your stepfather!”
“Yea! And you broke up with Dad because he was in debt. You were being superficial, not me.”
“Oh, your entire life is superficial, Elizabeth!”
My phone’s vibration breaks the tension. “Whatever. Megan’s here. One more year and you’ll get rid of me, tough it out, Mom,” I scoff as grab my stuff.
“And where do you think you’re going?!” Her yell was muffled by the closing of the front door.
“Hey, you sexy bitch. Tonight’s the night. Who are we picking to put under our wing?” Megan greeted me as I got in her brand-new car that her parents bought her.
“Not sexy. Bad. I’m a bad bitch,” I said, fixing my hair over my ears. “Do we have to pick?”
“I think Amanda’s a good choice,” Megan drove us off to the kickback happening tonight, “She’s pretty enough.”
She’s talking about who I’ll pick to turn into the Queen of the school once we graduate. It’s how I was made one. The last Queen, Jessica Lynn, was my mentor for my sophomore year. Megan thinks we should make it a tradition.
I shake my head, “Amanda’s too full of herself. She’s trying too hard.”
“Oh yeah,” Megan laughed. “What about Lindsey?”
“The eighth-grader?”
“She’ll be a freshman after summer. I see myself in her. She’ll do it. Amanda will be so mad. I invited her tonight.”
I shake my head again. “Jana Kramer.”
“Ew, the church girl?”
“She’s the only one who makes sense.”
“But isn’t she a super prude?”
“Not as much as you think. Besides, you’re saying that like I’m not.”
“Yeah, but you’re different.”
Megan parked alongside all the other cars encircling the campsite we always hang out at. The campfire was already going strong and the kickback was as well. It’s nothing new. It was like any other night.
I lived in a town called Darkwood. It’s an hour''s drive away from Seattle, deep inside the mountains. There’s a giant forest in the middle of the town that encircles it. The campground is inside and no one ever uses it. It’s the perfect place to be rebellious teenagers.
Darkwood is different than any other place in Washington. It’s isolated. It’s quiet. There isn’t much to do and because of that, someone always has something going on. It doesn’t matter if it''s a school night, there’s no night that has an excuse to not get fucked up.
Everyone drinks every night or gets high on weed. If there’s a house party going on, people do harder drugs. Nobody cares. Everyone just looks for an excuse to cure their boredom. Darkwood was an urban myth because of everything that went inside.
There wasn’t a person that the town didn’t corrupt.
I was different.
I never smoked weed before. I didn’t participate in doing anything harder. The most I would do is drink, but I never blacked out before. I was always in control. While everyone started to party and experiment, I stood as the incorruptible. I was the exception to the myth.
Being a prude is looked down upon. Anyone who was eventually succumbed to the peer pressure. I didn’t. Everyone still tried, but never could.
I was the good in a town so messed up.
Tonight, everyone who’s anyone has gathered. The campground doesn’t get packed like this. All that means is more people trying to talk to me. I’m not one to ignore them. I wasn’t like my friends. Any attention I give is genuine, but I couldn’t give that tonight.
Megan’s betrayal stopped me from caring about any conversation I was having. It’s been weeks since I found out and she acts like she didn’t do anything wrong. There hasn’t been a hint of remorse or guilt from her.
Her attitude bothered me even more while I watched her interact with my ex. They’re talking to each other like Megan wasn’t the person he was cheating on me the entire time we dated.
I wanted to publicly out her, to put her on blast. The whole world deserved to see how much of a snake Megan was. But she was my best friend and I just wanted to move past it. Besides, what would everyone think when they found out that ‘I’, Elizabeth Wilson, was cheated on? What would that say about me?
My hands were tied.
“Are you alright?” Cody asked me, catching me in a lull while I mixed a rare cocktail with hard liquor.
“Where’s Emily?” I responded.
It wasn’t often that Cody came to these things alone. He’s usually always with Emily, his best friend, sister, girlfriend, or whatever they are to each other. The two are inseparable.
“I don’t think you care.”
“You’re right, I don’t,” I make sure to giggle. “Want a drink?”
Cody took a sip of the liquor in the red cup. I made it stronger than I’m used to but he doesn’t flinch. I’m not able to keep a straight face drinking it after he handed it back to me. He chuckled and stopped when our eyes met. His eyes were more intense in person. They were pulling me in like I was being invited.
He’s been on my mind all night.
“You look different?” He said.
“What do you mean?” I asked, looking to see if I dressed any differently than I usually did.
“No, I mean, you look like you’re walking out of the tall grass.”