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I can’t do anything but stand there dumbly for the moments after the mysterious stranger leaves, vanishing without a trace. I don’t even bother to grab the melted candle before I leave the room, pushing open the door he never even touched. My mind battles conflicting thoughts as I tread down the hall, some part of me knowing deep inside that it’s impossible for that to be anything but a Deity, but refusing to believe it. I still feel no shift inside myself, no part of my being transferred to a higher level. My chest holds the same nagging, anxious feeling it always has, pulling me in very direction at once as I try to gather my own thoughts.
“Hey, Ren?” I call, once I’ve entered the entryway again. She looks up, an eyebrow raised slightly. Yeah? What is it?
“Did anyone else go down to Love while I was in there?” I ask, needing this one last piece of confirmation before I can accept the implication the news implies.
“No, directed a couple to Dark and Fertility, but none to Love. Why?” Her face is curious, open, I can tell she wants to know what happened while I was in there. I just shake my head, needing the moment to collect my thoughts. “No reason. Just curious what the night traffic is like, I’m normally only on the day shift,” I smile slightly, trying to curb the questions I know she’s about to ask.
Ren just frowns, eyeing the way my hands are twisting each other into knots while I rock nervously back and forth. She can tell I’m not saying anything more, though, and instead directs attention to my ragged appearance.
“You looks like you’ve just seen a ghost, Enna. Go home, get some sleep, and for goodness sakes do not get into another fight on the way. In fact-” she crouches down and hands me her phone, “call someone and have them take you home. I’m not letting you out there alone again.”
I take the phone lightly with two fingers, staring at her with squinted eyes. “And who am I supposed to call? I don’t live with anyone, and you are currently the closest thing I have to a friend, so.”
Ren’s mouth moves downward. “What about that boy who was asking about you earlier, I think his name was Asher?” It’s clear she can see the blatant surprise on my face, and keeps going in more detail. “Blond hair, dark eyes, disciple of Dark? He was leaving and seemed sad when I said your shift had already ended.”
“No, I- I know who he is, I’m just a bit surprised that he thought to ask for me. But, regardless, I don’t even know his number. I doubt he’d come anyway.”
All I get in response is a single raised eyebrow, and a further head tilt towards the device in my hand. Gritting my teeth, I give Ren a face and turn to the opposite end of the entrance. I’m not nearly surprised as I should be when my fingers type out the number instinctually, a dial tone greeting me while I raise the phone to my ear.
It rings once, twice, three times, and I start to worry that maybe I actually don’t know his number anymore, or maybe he’s changed it, or, or, or-
“Hello?”
I breathe out a sigh that is almost definitely audible through the speakers, and shift the hand holding Ren’s phone closer to my face.
“Hey, Asher. It’s, um. It’s Enna.”
“Enna?”
“Yeah. I’m calling from my coworkers phone, I got into a bit of a fight and now she won’t let me leave until I have a ride to take me home. I would call someone else, but, well…” I trail off, not knowing how to end the sentence without sounding hopelessly pathetic.
“Not a problem. You’re at the Temple?”
“Yeah.”
“I’ll be there soon,” he replies, voice sounding tinny through the speaker. The phone disconnects, and I hand it back to Ren begrudgingly. “He’s coming to get me.”
“I told you he would.”
“Shut up.”
Walking back out to the front, I grab my shoes again and wait by the road for Asher to arrive.
Seeing him twice in one day after not seeing each other for a year. How you will you ever live this one down? My thoughts run in circles, my mind full to bursting with the event of a single evening. And the fact you saw a Deity…This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.
No, no no no. I push the thought back to the furthest corners of my mind. I can think about that more once I’m alone at my house. Not a moment sooner.
The growling sound of an engine snaps me out of the thoughts chasing each other inside my mind, and Asher is in front my me on his motorcycle. Even through everything, it still makes me chuckles as I rise from my spot crouched on the side of the street.
“You still have this ratty old thing?”
The smile I get in return is genuine, the right side of his mouth lifting slightly higher than the left in his crooked grin. “Of course I do! I’d never let this girl go, not after all the time and energy I’ve put into her,” he quips, hand outstretched in case I need help getting onto the back. I slide on easily and without assistance, settling familiarly onto the leather. His arm returns to the handles, clenching once before starting off slowly.
“Address?” he asks, reminding me that he doesn’t know where I live anymore.
“3771 Raine Crescent. It’s not too far from here,” from my old house, I almost add, before deciding better of it and cutting myself off. He nods, and speeds up until I can feel the wind pick up. It gives me pause, remembering the weather when I was running. “Hey, how long has the weather been back to normal?” I ask, my voice raised over the wind blowing past my ears. Asher hunches his back over a bit to hear me better, and pauses for only a moment before responding.
“Half an hour, maybe? It was only raining for like, 40 minutes. It was so weird, and I bet those conspiracy theorists from Passage will have a bunch of wacky opinions about it on the news tomorrow,” he replies, and I’m startled to realize the program we used to joke about it as kids still runs. I don’t mention the fact I haven’t tuned in for months, since the memories around it became too strong to keep watching every other night.
We spend the rest of the short ride in heavy silence, both of us floundering for a safe topic after such a long time apart, so many unsaid words left on our tongues. By the time we reach the building my apartment is in, I’m more than eager to be alone and finally think about what just happened and what I’m supposed to do about it. I slide off the bike smoothly and mutter a quick thank you before making to move inside. Asher grabs my hand instead, keeping me from escaping too fast. His face looks pained under the helmet, grip strong.
“Enna, what’s going on?”
I just shake my head. “It’s nothing big. I’ll be fine. I promise.”
He frowns, holds my wrist tighter, and I can feel his pulse steady in his fingers.”No, you don’t get to do this again. You can’t just call me saying you got into a fight and need a ride without any other details. I haven’t seen you since last winter. I don’t want you to disappear again. Please,” he asks, while I gently try to pull away. But he isn’t done, his low voice telling me all the things I’ve wondered about for years, ever since I left. “I have a girlfriend, and I think you two would get along great. I know you and Loren had a falling out but we don’t need to include them in our plans, we can get together. The two or three of us, at that beach you always liked. Don’t be a stranger again, Enna.”
His plead for return makes me feel nauseous, stomach churning. I finally manage to pull away his fingers and step back, out of his reach.
“I’ll see you around, Asher,” I say, not looking at his eyes, and I duck through the door before he can say anything else.
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I’m not able to stomach anything more than some crackers once I’m back in my apartment, stomach still churning with the anxiety of Asher’s comments and the events of the day. A futile attempt to try and keep my body moving at the same pace as my mind ends with me panting on the bed, a frantically tidied room looking no different than it did ten minutes ago. Abandoning any hope of ignoring the situation any longer, I finally allow myself the time to open the box in my mind I shoved my encounter into. The memories are hazy, even as recent as it was, yet the lines of the man-Deity-thing are crisp and vivid in my mind. Along with the words, said so smoothly in a deep monotone. Beneath the ground in Dark. I think back to the stories we’re told as children, the ones recalling the ancient disciples and their encounters with the Deities. Because no matter how much I try, no matter how much I want to, I can’t fathom the thought that that man was anything, anyone else than a Deity.
Which comes with a truckload of implications, of questions, and most importantly, why. Because as much as my heart may yearn for it, I know I am still Connectionless. My encounter did not change or reveal something inside of me, and it’s painfully noticeable that even if I tried my hardest, I would feel nothing more than I have always felt, deep inside myself. Which simply serves to bewilder me further, because I also know I am beyond low. I will never get a proper job, none of the ones noticed by society that require Attributes and Connections. And as much as I claim I’m not scared, that I’m perfectly qualified, my time at the Temple will come to an end once someone high up thinks too hard and wonders why they’re employing someone Connectionless in a place created on the very basis of having that connection with the Deities. And what will happen to me then? Where will I go? I have no one to turn to, everyone has drifted from me as they find Connection and community yet I stay in the same place I have always been, steadily moving forward without thought, shoving everything into boxes within my mind and forgetting.
Everyone except Asher, that is, the only friend who fought as I tried to pull away, who still fights now, but how long can it possibly last? How long can someone possibly keep trying for someone who clearly doesn’t want their help?
Not long. And I know it.
Beneath the ground in Dark…
Do I investigate? It’s a silly question, because of course I will. A Deity comes to you, gives you a command? You do it. No questions asked.
But what if I find something I don’t like?
You live with it, my mind supplies. And I suppose I don’t really have a choice in the matter. If nothing else, my curiosity will no doubt get the better of me in the end. I’m hopelessly curious, always have been.
And if I die?
Well, I suppose I’ll cross that bridge if I come to it.