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MillionNovel > I Have Even Read the Rulebook! > Interlude 4: Whose Nightmare is this?, Part 1

Interlude 4: Whose Nightmare is this?, Part 1

    The glorious, magnificent, fabulous, generous, well-behaved, kind, non-insane, and funny Minerva Pannonnii was having the time of her death. Unlife. Certainly not life, she was over that part for some time already.


    Not just because her future trophy husband was so considerate to send her into a riotous city to escort some females of purchasable affection to a brothel, but because… No, the escorting the escorts played the biggest part.


    Currently.


    All those boring Greenskins were just dancing around campfires, listening to music, instead of a proper riot! Where was the pillaging? Arson? Outright carnage? What they were doing was just a big party, not a riot! Her magnanimous self should teach them! Sticking to some boring rules, when it was time to let loose? Bah!


    Of course, rioting the Greenskin-way led to less property damage, injuries – and probably political upheaval – but Mini was right in one point: you can''t have a big party, call it a riot, and expect anything to change. Well, most riots only changed the disposition of the security services towards the goals of the rioters. And where the riot gear and the water cannons were kept.


    The excursion in the Domain was fun too, Mini thought! Tasting and killing bandits, strange forest animals to taste and kill, all the while being surrounded by scantly clad, beautiful sapients to taste! Paid in full by her darling! He even arranged a bed warmer for her!


    Those Travelers were strange – obviously, they were born Prudes, and not even kissing or holding hands was allowed for them before marriage, but they had no problems with their future wives having exhaustive fun with anyone, they wanted.


    It was strange. He had only a Willpower and Emotional Stability of 12, and still, he was able to resist her unmatched charm! Her shining beauty! Her high [Seducing]! He resisted even after he learned, she had [Sex] was at an incredible 190%!


    He was a boring cave-dweller.


    At least he accepted her superiority, and paid for her needs and wants, and served her as a good servant should!


    On the other hand, he was so funny as he stumbled through his life on Arkadia. Not understanding anything, being ignorant of how Arkadia and the different species worked. He was so cute!


    Not, that she was in love with him. Or anyone for that matter. That strange feeling was fueled by… thingies that were… there… when one was alive. Or so it was said by friendly necromancers and evil vitamancers. Being undead, those thingies didn’t make her have strange feelings. Not, that she would fall in love, even if she was still alive.


    Lust was a much more straightforward state.


    Unfortunately, most folks mistook one for the other.


    Being in a riotous city was just fantastic! Almost ecstatic! People fighting, setting things on fire, playing excellent riot music, drinking… It was like a festival or celebration, and she couldn’t participate!


    Her pet Humans made her promise, not to plunder, rape, pillage and inflict carnage – even if she didn''t care about other people''s rules at all, a promise was a promise. She, as a proud and noble member of the superior and excellent Vampire species (and a member of Forestdeep''s high nobility) knew when to keep a promise.


    When it benefited her.


    “Why exactly can’t I participate?!?” she thought out loudly.


    “In the riot? It wouldn’t be excellent for a foreigner to participate. No offense, but you folks don’t know the rules for a proper riot.” one of the girls explained. Claiming, she wasn’t perfect and not knowing everything was… was… impolite, to say the least. More likely a grave offense! On the other hand, if the Greenskins had rules for a fun riot, the magnificent Minerva Pannonnii suddenly wasn’t interested in participating. Carnage didn’t follow rules, after all!


    Not, that she had any problems with rules, binding others. Why everyone was so keen on inventing and following arbitrary, stupid rules, she couldn’t understand. Everyone – especially her – should be free to do as they – especially her – wanted!


    Breaking the Greenskins'' rules for their boring street party and showing them, how a real, bloody, and carnage-full riot really looked would have been easy. What could possibly go wrong? Most likely, the Greenskins would bask in her radiant gloriousness and accept her magnificence!


    Even so, if she participated in all that fun, and there were witnesses left, her prospective darlings would probably be angry and would start to argue. While that was mostly fun too, especially Prof''s face, the genius and responsible Minerva Pannonnii was intelligent enough to realize, that arguing in the middle of an exfiltration probably wasn''t the best idea.


    Even if there was no way, anything could go wrong.


    No, she would first complete her quest of escorting the background dancers, as a master-level adventurer should do, and after that, she would have some fun in breaking rules.


    Maybe just after she had a bit of different fun with the girls and boys at the recreational base. She was certain, she hadn’t promised not to do that! The others would have no grounds to nag about that! She basically deserved that reward for completing a very difficult quest!


    To say, Mini had some mental health issues would be like saying, the ocean was slightly damp. In some of Earth''s developed parts, she would have been heavily medicated and safely tucked away in a room with very soft walls. Well, in other parts, she would have been a successful manager, warlord, or politician. Or, she would have ended up dead.


    Either way, Mini wasn''t exactly stupid, an Intelligence of 16 placed her firmly in the top ten percent of the most intelligent people on Arkadia. Or so she liked to think. Actually, it was the top twenty percent (there were a few species around with extremely high Intelligence but low population count), but that was still considered highly intelligent.


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    While being "highly intelligent", and being able to spot things she shouldn''t do, or situations, she shouldn''t get herself involved in, being Irresponsible negated that wisdom. And well, she was still clinically insane, not caring about other people’s rules. Well, and she liked to roll in the hay, so to speak, every now and then (preferably now and a short time later too).


    It probably wouldn’t be a surprise to anyone, if she stayed in the pleasure house for a few hours, organizing a big romp with most of the staff and quite a few paying customers too.


    Which she definitely did.


    Since this story isn’t about how much Endurance one of the main characters had in the sheets, and nor does the author write smut, let''s fade to black in the knowledge, that a certain party achieved notoriety and an almost legendary status. It was still the talk a few years later and at least three songs were written about it. It even was referenced in high literature a couple of centuries later, and a very talented painter even created an excellent piece of art, immortalizing the legend.


    Unfortunately, that painting was classified as pornographic by the Painter’s not-Guild and locked away – later to be bought by a mysterious person from the North, never to be seen again.


    So, Mini managed to achieve more with some recreation, than Shinead ever could hope to accomplish, even after working herself to death trying – but that was not a surprise, naturally Mini was much more awesome, than some random (but cute) piece of Elven Arse.


    Either way, as a very satisfied Vampire walked out of the soon-to-be-famous establishment just before dawn, her general disposition led her to a bar for foreigners, just down the street.


    What could have possibly gone wrong?


    From Mini’s perspective, absolutely nothing.


    “Everybody be calm, this is a robbery! Any of you Pinkskins move, and I will fireball every foreigner prick last one of you!”


    Just as Mini ordered a mug of that strong paprika-booze – not, that it had any effect on her, but she actually liked the taste – two Greenskins (both Hobs) had the glorious idea to improve their financial situation by politely asking some foreigners for their spare change.


    Of course, Minerva Pannonnii, the highly trained and efficient operative, would have done it differently. First, she wouldn''t have announced herself – looting corpses was easier. Second, she wouldn''t have tried to rob a random bar, but a jeweler or a bank.


    That Greenskins tried robbing a bar, was only mildly surprising for her. In her nightly escapades, she already realized, that Greenskins weren''t as excellent, as her future consort thought, or how law-abiding they liked to paint themselves. Every society had a part, that wasn''t conforming to some outdated, useless, and redundant rules, and Greenskins weren''t that different in that regard.


    True, the Thieves’ not-Guild cracked down on non-sanctioned crime hard, but it did questionable things on its own. Like that thing with lawyers. Or the taxes. No matter, how hard the not-Guild suppressed free-lance criminals and how fast non-excellent people found themselves in the mines, there were always a few, who fell between the cracks.


    Like the two idiots, trying to distract her magnificent self from a well-earned drink.


    The most awesome creature in all creation debated if she wanted some light exercise squashing the would-be robbers right after some heavy exercise doing fun things. On one hand, she was still a little bit sore, but on the other, she was starting to feel peckish. While the male looked tough and salty, the female, threatening to fireball everyone, looked like the correct mix between sour and bitter. Just what she wanted right now – if Mini managed to spice the up the female a bit with that sharp booze, she was drinking, it would be the perfect meal!


    Killing robbers was considered self-defense everywhere – as far as she cared to know, anyway – so not even Prof could whine and complain about her having fun, killing, and pillaging. Of course, he would whine and complain, but only if her glorious and courageous self told him about the situation.


    Which she wouldn’t. Well, maybe she would, so he would be awed by her prowess. There was nothing wrong with admiration. She deserved every little piece of it.


    If she wasn''t going to eat, the easiest way to dispose of the two would be a well-aimed crossbow bolt into the abdomen. That would incapacitate the recipient and would lead to severe pain and a wound, that was extremely hard to heal. While the two squirmed on the ground, she would have all the time she wanted to torture them a little bit – being Cruel didn’t just mean verbal abuse of certain Travelers.


    That and being Unscrupulous assured, she didn’t see anything wrong with some light fun with random idiots, trying to rob her.


    Unfortunately, a bolt in the tummy made her food taste strange. Almost inedible.


    Shooting them in the head wouldn’t be good either, she liked her food fresh, preferably still mobile.


    What else could she do? Severing the spinal columns? Break a leg? No that would be just lucky. Punch them in the face, and make them unconscious? A kick in the reproductive organs was also a classic. Maybe she could open with splashing her booze into the face… No. She liked that swill, and wasting it on a worm wasn''t worth it. She paid for the booze!


    Well, not yet, but she thought about paying for it later.


    Probably the barhop would waive her tab anyway after she dealt with the extremely dangerous criminals in an overwhelming way! If she just poured her drink onto a random passerby, what benefit she would get out of a waived tab? No, the booze was staying securely in her mug!


    Mini decided the situation was rapidly approaching boring territory.


    If she had to follow self-made rules, how was she supposed to have fun? What next? Follow rules, made up by others?!? How dare they, suppress her illustrious, formidable, and indomitable spirit! She was implacable, indefatigable, and would be victorious in the face of such peril!


    She was so engrossed in her inner monologue, that she even slipped into adventurer-speak. Well, heatedly debating something with yourself had the advantage, that in the end, you were always right. And there was a lower chance to start shouting and punching folks in the face.


    “WHAT?!? Are you talking to me?!?!" Mini shouted and punched the male Greenskin in the face. The poor sod just wanted to do his job of robbing slightly drunk foreigners and asked her for a small contribution to his academic career.


    Or something.


    Probably it was just for booze, though.
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