Well, if the two moronic Greenskins would have just walked up to Mini and confessed, they wanted the money for booze, drugs, and whores, she would have been ecstatic to help them out. She still had quite a lot of drugs somewhere. Not, that they had much of an effect on her – damn Poison Resistance, Queen of the Night, and, well, being undead – but it was always good to have a few kilograms of (un)regulated substances in the trunk. Ehmm… Binky’s Saddlebags of Holding. Nothing could go wrong with that, and maybe, just maybe, they came in handy for this and that.


    Lamenting on her inability to get drunk, stoned, high, doped, drugged, or whatever, she wasn''t exactly sure, why she didn''t get rid of at least Poison Resistance. Back, after the ritual it probably made sense to keep it, but she couldn’t figure out, why. Probably it looked like a good idea at the time.


    Mini was pulled out of her very important musings on proper character creation by the female Hobgoblin starting to chant a Spell. It wasn’t instant casting, and not even short-form, but the full chant. She even gesticulated wildly, and some kind of powder was floating in front of her.


    What a waste of probably good drugs!


    Oh, wait, that was more likely the material component of the Spell. At least, it had that sulfuric smell of… well, sulfur.


    Mini was taken aback. How could be someone so un-excellent to try robbing a bar, when her [Magic: Fire] obviously was so low, a full chant, gestures, and material components were needed?!?! Mini was quite certain, the Spell would fizzle even so! Didn''t those morons know anything? Without good Skills, it was extremely dangerous to rob bars, convenience stores, banks, and jewelers! It took only an overpowered Vampire with attitude to foil your masterful plan of… walking in and demanding cash!


    No, robbing localities inside a city was only done with high Skills.


    If someone only had Skills at a low Level the obvious choice was working an unthankful day job, doing back-breaking work for close to nothing, or becoming a public servant. Or robbing folks on the roads.


    On the other hand, if someone already had Skills at a high Level, robbing random bars was probably not worth the effort.


    Anyways, Mini’s thinking of what Level of Skill was needed for a successful robbery may have contained some slight issues and contradictions. That may or may not have been influenced by her originating from a collection of estates (calling Forestdeep a country was stretching the meaning of "country" beyond the breaking point), where random patrons could include Vampires, Liches, or Dread Knights of every possible ex-species. Whereas a peaceful jeweler could be just your friendly neighborhood necromancer, who could and would kill, rekill and re-re-kill you for centuries.


    Either way, Mini decided to end this farce, and finally give one of Prof’s tales a try. Obviously, his people mixed perfectly good booze up with basically drinkable other stuff all the time. It was almost a religion or science for them. Mini remembered some of the more interesting names. Bloody Mary, Corpse Reviver, Death in the Afternoon, Hangman’s Blood, Between the Sheets, Last Word, Sex on the Beach, Blood and Sand, Orgasm, Quick Fuck, and a few others.


    Unfortunately, Prof didn’t remember, what was put into them, but Minerva Pannonnii was an adventurous and enterprising person, with almost 50% in [Alchemy]. Mixing stuff together was what alchemists did, after all. Mixing drinkables together couldn’t be that hard! And, most importantly, what could possibly go wrong?


    It was the perfect time to experiment! She was in a bar, full of different kinds of alcohol, and the main ingredient just conveniently walked in!


    Mini flared her Blood Magic, raising her Strength to 18 and her [Intimidation] to over 200%. That should be enough for some low-life Hob. She was told, that if she used [Intimidation], her eyes shone a more vicious red, than normally, and her fangs seemed to grow to frightening points. She knew better. Skills didn''t and couldn''t change anything – beautiful, shining red eyes and pointy fangs were how one could recognize Vampires. That they seemed to glow even more beautifully, and being more pointy was just an optical illusion. Based on pant-wetting fear.


    Just like wild animals and monsters. A Forest Lion wasn’t that large and didn''t have such large fangs and claws if you did an objective measurement. What made them seem larger and menacing was their presence behind you, while you futilely tried to run harder, than that other guy behind you.


    “Shut up, bitch!” Mini eloquently told the female Hob, just before she punched the wannabe mage in the face “Thank you for volunteering for my experiments!”


    Obviously, Prof had an impact on Mini, after all. It was always good to be polite! In Mini’s opinion, Prof having an influence on her was just the same, as gazing into the abyss, and realizing, some old monster from before time was looking back at you with interest. No, thank you. She was perfect, as she was, no upgrade was needed.


    Not counting Skill Points. Those were always good to have. And made her even more awesome.


    Pathetic robbers! One punch each was enough to defeat them! No! SHE was so overpowered and perfect, that that was all it took to overwhelm those criminals!


    Anyway, it was time for SCIENCE!


    “Bartender! Bring me all the booze you have! I’m going to do alchemy!” well, being polite and everything was probably good, but being polite to subordinates? Mini didn’t see the point.


    Actually, being polite to the staff of restaurants and bars is very important, mind you. If you were polite, there is a marginally higher chance of getting "clean food". Same for office workers. It''s impressive, how many files can mysteriously get lost. But I digress. "Clean food" or "food, that was made out of stuff, that wasn''t well past its shelf-life" in a medieval world is probably nothing, you would get anyway.


    Just as Mini was starting to get some blood from the female – she was planning to make something, she dubbed a Bloody Mary – the bartender held up his hand.


    “Little Missy, what exactly do you think, are you doing?”


    A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    How dare he, interrupting the magnificent Minerva Pannonnii doing science?!?! The experiment was for the betterment of all Vampirekind, currently in the bar! Such a noble goal could and should not be disturbed by such peasants! In fact, he should be glad to be allowed to lend his little drinking hole to such a world-changing event!


    “Science! Mixing up excellent new kinds of booze!”


    “And those two morons?”


    “They are the main ingredient! Everything tastes better with a little bit of red! If there is a lot of red, it tastes even better!”


    “You want to kill those two?”


    “Want? No. That would be only the by-product of science! Not, that anyone would miss such retards, anyway. I''m actually doing the world a favor by removing them from the procreation list! You may thank me now!"


    The next thing, Mini saw, was a huge crossbow leveled directly at her face.


    “You see, little missy, no one is going to kill folks in my bar. No one, but Sepp there and me. Bad luck, missy, you were just going to kill two of our friends. They only wanted to rob you. Drop your weapons! No one will miss you."


    “Of course, I would be missed! No one would be able to live without my excellent guidance and without the chance to bask in my radiation!"


    “He? You got cursed by a radiation mage?”


    “Of course not! It is all because of my personality!”


    “Good. They say radiation isn''t healthy. Boys, get her!"


    “Boys, plural? You promise? I can have fun with all of you strong Humans? And that odd Orc there? This is fantastic! Let’s go!”


    “Ehmm… Egyed, usually, this is time, they start screaming and running away. What’s wrong with her?”


    “Probably can’t understand Bergian correctly. Let’s try Greenskinian.”


    “No, I just understand Bergian splendidly. I have 120% in it. No time to waste! Zack, zack! Move! I want my fun! It''s almost half an hour, I had some!"


    “Are you dense? Some of us are even Level 5 here! Luca there is an Elite! We will overpower you, no matter, how you want to squirm out of the situation!”


    “Kinky! Let’s go! And call some friends too! The twelve of you wouldn’t be enough. Hey, maybe we could go to that pleasure house down the road, the orgy there is still ongoing!”


    “You are insane? We are going to kill and rob you!”


    “Who is trying to get out of the situation? I. WANT. MY. PROMISED. FUN! NOW!”


    “Ehhmmmm… Egyed, do you really think, this is a good idea? They say, insanity is contagious, and she looks really insane.”


    “That’s just superstition! What next? Idiotic Banter is a Perk?”


    “I think, it actually is. I once visited a village, where…”


    “Oh, shut up Marco! Would you please start moving on her?”


    “YES! Move on me already! I don’t have time to just stand here all night!”


    “OH SHIT! Egyed, I think it''s that Vampire from the stories!" That realization made the peaceful patrons, moving on her with obviously bad intentions hesitate.


    “No way!”


    “Run!”


    “Mommy!!!"


    “Duh, you just realized, I’m the only, and most fabulous Vampire in all of Saugarten? What gave me away? Taking on two robbers at the same time, or making cocktails out of them?”


    “Ehmmm… No, miss. It was the insistence of wanting to have fun with a dozen unknown thugs like us in an otherwise deserted bar in the middle of the night.”


    “You a Wiseass, or what? Of course, I would insist on fun when it was offered! So, move already! I promise you the night of your life!"


    “Ehmm… Miss… That’s the problem. I don’t wanna end up like some of the others! And this be my last night. Bye, Egyed, I’m outa here! Good luck!”


    “ANY OF YOUR FUCKING DIPSHITS MOVE, AND I WILL FUCK EVERY LAST ONE OF YA!!!!” Mini wasn’t exactly the most patient of creatures, especially, if she didn’t get promised things. “Now, move on!”


    “If I were to move on, I would need to move!”


    “Shut up, Wiseass! You there!”


    “No, miss, please no! I have a wife and kids!”


    “Since when Bodis?"


    “Since now?”


    “Egyed! Just shoot her in the face! you are the closest!”


    They clearly didn’t have many Points in Intelligence.


    Mini just realized the oversized crossbow was still aimed directly at her face. Well, not exactly directly at her face, but in the vague direction of where she was. If the bartender, obviously named something or other, made some effort, he would be able to maybe hit her – with the butt of the crossbow, not with a bolt.


    Amateurs! It was a well-known fact, that when holding someone at crossbow-point, all the attention had to be kept on the target. Otherwise, the aim wandered off.


    One other well-known fact was, that the crossbow should be more, than an arm-length from the target. Otherwise, the target may come to the (mostly ill-advised) idea to grab the weapon.


    Obviously, the magnificent and fabulous Minerva Pannonnii wasn’t just some pedestrian target, but a highly trained professional with a not even low [Disarming] – and that wasn’t just her smile. That, and a random crossbow bolt didn’t do anything to her, as long as it wasn’t a Critical Hit. But random bolts rarely were.


    “MINE!" she snatched the crossbow without much of a problem, as it was expected. She was, after all, incredibly high Level, and her future victims thought, being Level 5 was something impressive. And having one Elite with them was… something or else.


    Her newest prize wasn''t something, she would brag about to the Duke or the Duchess. Its only advantageous property was its size. Bigger was always better! Well, Endurance was always a must, but the weapon was one shot. No endurance, no technique, nothing special – just size. Mini decided it wasn''t worth keeping around.


    So, she did, what she knew best – no, not doing vaguely horizontal acrobatics, but shooting folks in the face.


    “Oh man, Bodis! She just shot Egyed in the face! Why the fuck did she do that?!?”


    “I think, that’s because we wanted to rob and kill her.”


    “I think, it was an accident! Right? Right?”


    To forestall any further discussions and desertions, she leveled her own crossbow – superior, since she owned only superior things, as was befitting to a perfect person – on the remaining patrons.


    “So, where were we? Ah, yes. Fun.”