“We are on the road, in the middle of nowhere. I don''t think, this is the best location for a party." Prof hoped Mini would forget her idea until they reached some party-friendly location. Surely, medieval towns didn''t have a party mile.


    “You can party everywhere. Look, there are merchants and travelers over there, and even guards! Guards love to party! Come on!”


    “Vulgar bloodsucker! Your future Supreme Emperor needs to get to his future empire in a speedy fashion! We don’t have time to stop for a party. I have lost enough time because this peasant can’t drive for shit.”


    “Hey! I’m not vulgar!”


    “Hey! I’m not a peasant! Stop that already! And I just got a nice Perk for driving!”


    “You did? Let me see! Oh, that’s a nice one! Let’s try it out! Now! Look! There are merchants and travelers over there, and even some guards!”


    “What about your Leveling Party?”


    “Oh, we can do both! Every good party has some funny casualties! On one of the Duke''s coronation anniversaries, we made a contest, about who could fall out of the tower window in the funniest way! It was hilarious!"


    “Wouldn’t that mean, the guests started to die on you?”


    “Naw. Most were undead, to begin with, or had a high enough Level to survive the fall. If I''m not mistaken, only one person died, and that was because he landed head-first on some spears. That was especially funny!"


    “Oh, I remember that incident!” D?nci added “He was the president of Barnaártér, and with his death, every neighbor wanted a piece of his estate. It was glorious! Then the Priory got somehow involved, and everyone started to fight them, which brought the Archmages of…”


    Prof tuned out the rest. Politics was one thing, but Forestean politics was even below that. Obviously, everyone got bored, if there wasn’t wholesale bloodshed and utter chaos for a few days. Mini was a prime example.


    Probably.


    At least, recalling some awesome party where a lot of estates participated in the festivities was enough to distract Mini from her upcoming Leveling Party or from running some unfortunate passerby over. Strangely, both fell under the same category for the Vampire. Prof knew only very little Forestean, but from what he knew, the same word was used for ''party'' and ''slaughter''.


    A strange culture, half of his companions came from.


    As the two Foresteans bantered on about some fun party or little war (they were nice enough to do it in Bergian), Prof surveyed the new country.


    Having actual nobles instead of nobles, calling themselves something else, made the country better managed.


    Marginally.


    The dirt tracks, called roads by the locals were a little bit more well-maintained, meaning, that there was some actual road surface between potholes, puddles, and randomly distributed rocks. Not even a Central European would call the resulting mess a road, though, but that stretch of land already left the Middle Ages behind.


    Barely.


    The tilled fields looked more cared for too – well, it was hard to notice the difference between unkempt and cared for furrows in the landscape, but with a high enough Perception (11 was above average, after all!) one could spot the plots of weed, left in place, unnecessary shrubs and leftover clutter on the former.


    Of course, if someone crossed the border between Central and Western Europe, the same difference could be observed too. Since Prof made that particular border-crossing a few times, he learned, what to look for.


    As for the locals… Well, almost starving peasants looked the same everywhere. Well, the Julianese almost starving peasants at least looked somewhat better fed, clothed, and billeted. Some of the Gerulian pyramids even had decorations!


    Especially the richer ones made out of stones and probably belonging to nobles. A few could even boast to have ornamental gardens.


    All in all, Julia gave a more comfortable feeling, than Puglamento did.


    Probably not needing to voice the support for the Supreme Leader every few minutes left the locals with enough energy to do actual work, and leave random tourists to do tourist stuff.


    Like crossing their country in an expedited manner.


    One thing Prof found absolutely ridiculous was the Gerulian custom of high heels for males – the higher the heel, the higher the social status. Females, on the other hand, wore flat shoes without exception. Even the few noble ladies and NCOs he saw, wore normal shoes. Whether it was because Gerulian females had a low social status or it was just fashion, Prof wasn''t able to determine.


    Since the overwhelming majority of males on Earth didn’t wear high heels independently of social status, and obviously Gerulian females had different social statuses, it was probably just a fashion choice.


    A funny one, but still.


    For example, in the first real town they entered, Prof almost choked while trying not to laugh, when he saw an obese merchant trying to take a few steps in ten-centimeter heels.


    Mini and D?nci weren’t so well-behaved, and let the laughter fly.


    Seeing a cat rolling on the seat, laughing hard was another weird, almost twisted experience, Prof never suspected he would have. He almost felt his EXP-bar filling just from those few minutes.


    Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    Obviously, laughing at folks in high heels wasn''t exactly polite. Especially in a country, where high heels equaled high social status, and where people in said higher social strata took offense at being laughed at by flat-footed peasants.


    One of them didn’t even have shoes!


    That wasn’t exactly hard, very few (well, basically no) shoe manufacturers made high-heeled boots for cats or Grimalkin. The market simply wasn’t there.


    “You! Peasants! You dare to laugh at the exalted Leonardo Grasso?!? Guards! Teach them their places!”


    Normally, there would be two possible outcomes for such a declaration: most likely, the main character would beat up the offending noble, or sometimes he would get an educational beat-down, just for getting revenge later on.


    In this case, nothing like that happened.


    First, Prof simply threw the Grimalkin to the wolves – or rather to the guards.


    “You can teach the Grimalkin. I would throw you a Vampire too, but she is too heavy, and her over-leveled Scorpionlizard would take offense."


    “I’m not too heavy! Your Strength is too low!”


    “How dare you throw Prince D?nci, future Supreme Emperor of the West around?!? You, peasants! Place me back on my carriage so I can scratch out important organs!"


    “This isn’t your carriage, D?nci! It’s my wagon! You can discuss laughing at the fat merchant with his guards! Leave me out of this!”


    “Me speak Bergian! You itinerant agrarian worker rude to me!” The merchant supplied.


    “Sssssstab fatssssy?”


    “Why are there ghostly cats converging on me?!”


    “Those aren’t cats, you stupid slab of fat! Those are miniature Sabertooth!”


    “D?nci! Stop summoning!”


    “You don’t tell me, what to do, peasant!”


    “You! Peasant! Are you trying to attack me with ghost cats?!?”


    “I’m a prince, you overly fat turd!”


    Before the situation descended into battle – most likely to Mini’s chagrin, who was already leveling her crossbow at the merchant – the town guard arrived.


    “Everybody freeze! What’s this disturbance?”


    “Honored guards, this exalted merchant ordered his guards to attack us!” Prof took point in the negotiation “See, one of them is even holding Prince D?nci of the Estate of Barackos hostage! Please save us innocent traveling adventurers from the clutches of this band of evil-doers!”


    Prof was warned enough times not to lie to official officials, since there were a few different lie-detector Perks, trinkets, and [Magic: Mental] was a thing too. Every last word he said, was technically true – the whining voice may have been a little bit overboard though.


    Well, if he were some decorative, scantly clad female (displaying a lot of cleavage), it may have been appropriate, but, well…


    On the other hand, Prof doing a bimbo-impersonation was probably the best choice. Neither D?nci nor Sharpclaw could pull that off for obvious reasons, and Mini was… Mini.


    “A lie! These low lives insulted me, the exalted Leonardo Grosso and that peasant even threw the cat at my bodyguards! They summoned ghostly apparitions and threatened us with that over-leveled Scorpionlizard! I demand satisfaction!!!"


    Obviously, a veteran merchant also learned, not to tell outright lies, while still bending the truth. Who would have thought? They weren''t on the level of a lawyer but were nonetheless quite close.


    The constable visibly worked all his brain cells and came up with the most obvious and time-tried solution.


    “I will arrest all of you, so the judge can sort out the truth!”


    Off-loading issues or work to someone else, when solving the situation would take too much time or energy was done everywhere in all the multivereses.


    Of course, Prof wasn''t stupid. Believing, that a so-called independent, impeccable, and incorruptible court in a medieval world would judge against a rich and influential local against some vagabonds was like believing the Easter Bunny brought the presents on Christmas.


    Not even the courts back on Earth were that trustworthy.


    Prof faced the question, of wether to run (again) or bribe the judge.


    Of course, he also could flex all his Gentleman, use [Oratory], [Convincing], [Law: Gerulian], [Etiquette: Gerulian], with maybe a little bit of [Con].


    Well, he could also plead insanity – trying to use all those Skills, he was more or less useless in, would amount to the same.


    Running, though, would amount to leaving his fantastic – for the amount he paid for everything, it had to be fantastic – carriage behind. And probably Mini and Binky too. While Binky was very proficient in munching on stuff, speed was not his forte. Loading up Sharpclaw and maybe D?nci on Sleepy and engaging flight speed was doable, but not exactly gentlemanly. Abandoning highly prized gear was a waste, and no gentleman would do that!


    As for now, they followed the guard to see the honest and well-learned judge.


    “Say, Prof. What does your travel guide say about the picturesque, scenic, delightful, and romantic dungeon of… this place? Where are we exactly, anyways?" Mini asked with a smile on her face. Of course, she had to use questionable synonyms too.


    “This, my dear Vampire with mental health issues is the lovely town of Andale del Aqua Rapide. Once it had one of the best Blood Ball teams in the Seven Kingdoms, until the stadium collapsed. The ruins are said to be very picturesque indeed. As for the dungeon… It is situated beneath the charming town hall, itself a wonder of Gerulian pyramidal architecture, the entrance balustrade is adorned with the deeds of the founder of the Western Gerulian countries, copied by most town halls hereabouts. It’s an original Malerotti. It is even enchanted, the sculptures doing movements.” Prof summarized the few pages about the town.


    “Do you think, they have chains in the dungeons? Would we strung up? Kinky games?”


    “Why do you think, we will be thrown into the dungeon? We haven’t even seen the judge yet!”


    “I don’t remember you being Na?ve. Well, we still could set fire to the town, slaughter everyone standing in our way, and do some looting on our way out. That would be fun too! I haven’t been to a nice dungeon for some time, though.”


    “Vulgar bloodsucker! Get your mind out of the gutter! Of course, we will spread carnage! No one could say, true Foresteans just rolled over!”


    “Sssstab?”


    “Come on, guys! Let’s see the judge first!”


    Not long after, they were led to the final arbiter of Gerulian law – an obese male with a striking similarity to the merchant, who started the whole issue.


    “Leonardo! Good to see you today! I wanted to ask if our game of punting-sheep-droppings-into-a-hole is still on for the weekend. Guiseppina would be delighted if you and the kids would come over afterward!"