“You’re getting used to it,” Emily commented as I didn’t cough as much from smoking this time.


    I was still not used to the high. I was smoking a different strain so the weed wasn’t relaxing me as much. Instead, it made me feel claustrophobic like I was being surrounded by static. I didn’t like it as much. “I’ve had a few days of practice,” I said back, passing the bowl to Andrew.


    “Andrew, hand me the bag,” Sara asked. When I looked at her, Sara looked away. She hardly acknowledged me whenever I was around her. She never liked me around to begin with. She hated that I was becoming a constant presence.


    Andrew pulled out a small bag with white powder inside. Cocaine was nothing new to me. Everyone did it, and Andrew sold it. Sara gave me a dirty look while I watched her sniff a small amount using her long nail.


    “Where do you even get all that?” I asked Andrew.


    “Oh, I know a guy,” he said, adjusting around other small bags inside his jacket. “There’s always a guy.”


    We were sitting on top of the hill in Darkwood’s park. It was my idea after learning of the place from Jana Kramer. I liked it up there. I could see most of the town on it. Chris was the only one who wasn’t sitting with us. He opted to stand near and stare at the cloudy sky. He hadn’t moved a muscle in over an hour.


    “Is Chris okay?” I asked.


    Cody looked up from rolling a blunt, looked at me, and then at Chris. “Oh, yeah, he does that a lot.”


    “Is he always like this?”


    “He’s probably tripping on acid,” Andrew answers after ripping a hit of the bowl. “He’ll be fine.”


    I look over to the enigmatic boy again. I knew him the least. I knew of him and that everyone thought he was extremely weird. Chris was never much of a talker which made him hard to get to know.  Chris always kept to himself. He has always been like this, ever since we were kids. Not much has changed.


    I catch Emily playing with her bandana on her wrist. Cody, who is sitting next to her, helps her tie it back on after she’s unable to do it herself. They say they’re only friends but how they act with each other says otherwise. Jealousy is an ugly bitch and I try my best not to be one. Why should I be jealous? Cody was already mine.


    I lay down and rested my head on his ankles. I could see the sun start to set over the mountains. There were no clouds to hide the sun away over there.


    It was a quiet summer evening.


    I thought I would be going to all these summer parties and events all the time. We barely had gone to any. We spent most nights quietly instead. I was annoyed at first, but I found quiet to be better. It was more peaceful and less stressful. I needed that calm.


    Our conversations were about nothing. We talked just to talk and pass the time. It didn’t matter what we said, it was the company that we enjoyed. I liked getting to know more about Cody. I liked learning what Emily enjoyed doing. I got a better insight into how the beast called Andrew worked. It was funny to hear the rare and odd things Chris would say when he spoke. Even if we didn’t interact much, I still got to learn about Sara.


    Outwardly, her appearance was very scary and not approachable. There was a kind-hearted girl behind her goth-punk attire. I didn’t mind that she was cold towards me, she was justified.


    Sara glances at me while I check the notifications on my phone.


    Mostly all of them were from Megan. She’s been harassing me nonstop ever since the stunt I pulled a couple of days ago. She kept threatening to slander me more if I didn’t come out and demiss her of any wrongdoing. Those threats became ones of physical violence if I continued to ignore her. That threat was what I was reading on my phone.


    I could have told Cody. I could have told any of my friends what was going on. We were just having such a nice time that I didn’t want to ruin that. I thought it better to keep it to myself.


    I was still worried, however. I decimated a bridge and such sin couldn’t go unpunished. I never had to eat the cake that I made before.


    Andrew got up and checked all of his pockets, “I’ll be right back. I gotta make a sell real quick.”


    “Bring me back a water bottle,” Sara asked him right as Andrew took off.Stolen story; please report.


    “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Andrew’s voice faded.


    “Do you want to go on a walk?” Emily asked Cody.


    He looked down at me then at Emily, “Yeah,” He said, forcing me to sit up. “I won’t be gone long, Ellie.”


    I looked over at Sara once Cody and Emily were at the bottom of the hill. She wasn’t paying attention to me. I finally had her alone, well Chris was still there but was no different than a statue.


    Sara stopped to look at me right in the middle of doing more cocaine. “What?”


    “Why haven’t you said anything?”


    “About?”


    “Yknow,” I try to hint at her without actually saying it.


    Sara sighs after doing a pump of cocaine. “Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”


    Sara and I were friends for a short time at the beginning of her freshman year while I was a sophomore. The only class we shared was P.E. I didn’t know anyone and she didn’t either. We stuck to each other because we had this in common. Sara was my gym buddy.


    “Look, whatever happened between us two years ago, it happened and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I pushed you away like that. I didn’t know that you were-”


    “What? Gay?” she said quietly.


    “I didn’t know that back then If I did, I wouldn’t have-”


    “Just stop,” Sara turned her attention back on her phone. “You did what was best for you, but it also happened to be best for me too.”


    In the hallways, we would just nod to each other because understood we were in different cliques. We understood our friendship was only exclusive to our class. I let the opinion of Amanda affect my view of Sara. For whatever reason, Amanda never liked her, she was the meanest toward Sara.


    “I was embarrassed. I let it happen because it was in the heat of the moment. I didn’t mean to stop being your friend because of it.”


    Sara smiled, “Well, I’m sorry I did it.”


    We were in the girl’s locker room, after class. I stayed that much longer than I regularly did because I was too busy breaking up with my then-boyfriend over text. Sara stayed late too. It was just the two of us there and had about three minutes before the next bell rang.


    We were having small talk, y''know, like we always did. Nothing was different. We were just friends. Sara was sitting next to me and the next thing I knew, I was being kissed. Sara caught me by surprise. I kissed her back.


    I didn’t speak a word to Sara after that day.


    “I just don’t want us to be weird. It might be a rumor to everyone else, but it was real for us, right?”


    Sara sat her phone down on her lap. “You’re the one making it weird. If I had a problem I would have said something. Just don’t tell anyone that it was me.”


    “Nobody knows you’re gay.”


    “Only Emily. Andrew can’t find out. Y’know what he’s like. He’s the only family I have left.”


    “Okay, I promise.”


    Sara was perhaps the first unintentional victim of my self-destruction.


    I scoot my butt over to sit next to her.


    “When did you start doing coke?” I asked her wanting to get to know her better. The barrier that was between us didn’t seem to be there anymore.


    “I don’t know. I think it’s been two years. Whenever my brother started dealing it.”


    “Why did you start?”


    “Why does anyone do anything in this town?”


    To have fun. To escape. To run away.


    “Do you like it?”


    Sara scooped another hit with her nail and snorted it. “It’s good. It’s good. It helps me get my mind off things.”


    “What things?”


    She shook her head, “It doesn’t matter. You want to try some?”


    “No, I barely started smoking weed. I’m not keen on doing anything harder.”


    Sara sighed, tossing the bag on my lap. “Why did you stop talking to me? Did you hate it that much?”


    I shook my head. “I don’t remember exactly why. I think Amanda didn’t like that I was defending you whenever she tried to bully you. I think she got it in my head that she was more important than you were.”


    “And our kiss?”


    I admitted to something I didn’t want to when it happened. There was another reason why I stopped talking to Sara. I was immature and didn’t know how to handle it. It went against what I was trying to be.


    “I liked it,” I could finally say out loud.


    Sara giggled for the first time since we began talking again. “Y’know what? I am still pissed over what happened. I’m mad at you, Ellie.”


    I couldn’t tell if she was serious. “How can I make it up to you?”


    “Do a line. You owe it to me.”


    “Sara, I can’t do that.”


    She readied the white powder and held her nail up in front of me. “Life is too short, if you really want to make it up to me for ditching me as a friend, snort this.”


    I stared down at her nail, thinking about my brother. He became addicted to the drug and got kicked out because of it. It was his lack of self-control that caused him to steal Mom’s money just to buy it. It was a matter of time before Mom noticed her missing money.


    Matt had a weak will.


    I didn’t.


    It was just one time. There wasn’t going to be any other.


    Only one just to try it.


    The loopiness and drowsiness of my weed high instantly went away.


    Everything became perfect.


    I became the best version of myself.


    I felt that I was the Queen I always was.


    Everything was perfect.


    I could do anything.


    I could be anything.


    I became complete.