How long has it really been since i started feeling this deep, and unfair hatred for her?


    I don''t really know. Im a bit of a piece of shit for calling myself her "best friend" to later just think of her like this.


    Haru has always been... dazzling.


    No matter how much she plays the idiot at school, how useless she is by herself, and no matter how much she plays pretend... there''s always a radiance to her.


    It''s blinding. For the better or the worse.


    How funny is it, really? Because she doesn''t even realize it at all. She''s amazing at reading people yet she misses the mark completely when it comes to herself.


    She can barely get by. She''s messy, she''s a liar. She''s pretty self-destructive in some ways. If i put it like this, she seems like a terrible person.


    Yet... why is she so damn bright when it matters?.


    "How is she so strong?"


    I used to ask myself while seeing her at school. No one could believe that she was the same gloomy and distant girl from our 1st year. The amount of unecessary gossip about her being a flirt was insane. I''ve heard every stupid comment about her. How she apparently has the number of every 2nd year girl, how she works late at night and comes to school from a different house every day..


    I''ve even heard people say that she''s dating a college student that''s older than her.


    When i think about the helpless girl that Haru is by herself, it''s a bit stupid to think about.


    I thought for sure that last year, she''d finally come to terms and quit the play-pretend act thanks to the gossip, yet she only got more and more bright after Sayumi destroyed her feelings.Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    Yet... when im alone with her, most of that is gone.


    She turns a lot more witty and her gloomy personality comes through. She seems incredibly lonely, and somewhat sad when you speak to her.


    But her eyes still have the same sparkle they have at school.


    I thought i''d eventually grow over this, and i convinced myself that i have to support her, but no matter how much time passes, i feel like she doesnt need my support, or my presence at all.


    It''s impossible to read Haru. I''ve long given up on it.


    When i met Anri, i had forgotten all about my unfair hatred for Haru. Anri was the opposite of everything i hated about Haru.


    It''s a disgusting way to put it, but that was what made me like her from the start. She was oddly shy most of the time. But there still was a fierce strength to her, that i had all to myself.


    I really love that part of her and i thought it was my privilege as her girlfriend to have that side of her be our small little secret.


    But... when Haru started interacting with her, it changed.


    I realized, that it really wasnt my privilege.


    I remembered one of our conversations from a few days ago.


    —The reason you get sick is probably because you never eat early in the first place, Mizuno-senpai. You can''t do that.


    —Im sorry...


    —No. Don''t say that you''re sorry. Instead, please try to change that. No matter what''s the case, you have to take care of yourself.


    When she scolded Haru like that, i was staring closely at her expression.


    And it was then that i realized it. This is the same Haru that i see at her apartment. The same helpless, lonely and gloomy Haru.


    I backtracked a little bit, and i didn''t even notice my own girlfriend''s attitude had changed at all.


    We''re at school, yet here she is scolding her upperclassman like its nothing.


    I was a bit stunned at the realization, but there it was. The same strength that i thought i had all to myself, was coming out in her words, her body language, her mannerisms...


    As a incredibly bitter emotion stirred up on me, i tried my hardest not to say anything.


    But deep down, i realized the same unfair hatred that i kept hidden for Haru was growing slightly.


    I was incredibly jealous at knowing someone else could see Anri the same way that i do. I don''t care how toxic im probably being right now.


    I don''t want this to keep going for another second.


    No matter how dramatic im being, im not gonna let Anri get any closer to that sparkle that Haru has.