When we were Freshmen, a few of the Senior girls picked on Emily for how she dressed. Now Emily could always handle and stand up for herself but that day was different. She could barely keep her eyes open and didn’t have the energy to fight back.


    Cody stepped in to stop them but their antagonization persisted. They kept going and going until they were forced to shut up. They never thought Cody would do anything to them.


    He was suspended for two weeks.


    That was the first time I saw him lose control.


    Cody hates it when he does. He doesn’t want to be like his father. His dad is working overseas now because of how he treated his mother. He has to stay away.


    Cody hates that he gets angry just like his dad.


    He knocked on my door.


    I let him in and Emily followed right behind him.


    “Where have you been?”


    “I’m here. Did I say you could come here?”


    Cody shook his head. “Where did you go with Lyle the other day?”


    I shut the front door and leaned my back on it. “He wouldn’t sell me anything if that’s what you’re worried about.”


    “You need to stay away from him.”


    “What do you want Cody?”


    Emily sat on one of the chairs of the dining table, “You’re scaring us.”


    “What’s to be scared about? I’m leaving you two alone.”


    Cody and Emily were also victims.


    I made them believe it was their fault. I drove a wedge between their happily-ever-after.


    “You’re out of control. You’ve been getting fucked up too much. I thought you were better than that.”


    “And who’s fault is that?”


    “Huh?”


    “I’m not the one who fucked with my head.”


    “Elizabeth, what are you talking about?” Emily asked.


    I stood up straight, “Oh, so we’re finally doing this?”


    “Doing what?”


    I walked up to Cody and dug my finger into his chest. “Don’t act like you’re innocent. You knew what you were doing. You loved how I looked at you. You loved how I tried to overanalyze your dumb little metaphors. What were they? That I’m in the tall grass? That I’m a blue flower? You love the attention I give you, don’t you?”


    “Ellie, that’s not-”


    I cut Emily off, walking up to her. “What about you? You hated that Cody wasn’t paying attention to you anymore. You always made sure to let me know that I could never replace you. You liked how jealous I got. He does it to you too, y’know. He likes it when you try harder to get his attention.”


    “And that gives you the right to fuck Andrew?!” he yelled.


    “No!” I swung my body towards him. “But you didn’t have to fuck with my head in lying to me that you forgive me! Do you know how much that messed me up?! You acted like you didn’t care like you didn’t care about me. That I was just someone you’re using to pass the time.  You didn’t have to lie to me and tell me you and Emily aren’t in love. You’re a piece of shit Cody. You can do whatever you want because, in the end, Emily will always be there, won’t she? She won’t leave,” I turn my head to the girl in question and asked her, “You love him too much, don’t you?”Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    Emily’s frowning lips quivered.


    I glare back into Cody’s eyes. “You don’t care how much she hurts because of you. You don’t care how much you were hurting me. You liked it when Emily was jealous of me. You let her steal your attention from me because you knew it’d only make me want you more. You gaslighted me into thinking it was all in my head. You both did.”


    “Elizabeth, I-”


    “Well, I’m done. I’m done. We’re done.”


    Cody sat down on my couch, sighing to collect himself. Emily was trying her best to hold back her tears. She wasn’t doing a very good job.


    “Maybe I’m just as forgettable as the silence you two are giving me.”


    “Is that how we made you feel?” Emily choked.


    “Maybe it’s just something you both needed to hear,” I sighed. “No one knows you like a person who you shared a childhood with. I won’t ever get to know that kind of love. I won’t ever understand what you two have.”


    “Does this mean we’re not friends anymore?”


    “I want everything back, the way it was. But there’s no point, there’s no point in this wanting. But that’s okay, it’ll pass, like all things.”


    Cody lifted his head up from his arms. “I”m sorry,”


    “Sorry’s don’t make it any better, Cody.”


    “And getting high does?”


    “It’s better than what you make me feel.”


    He’s staring at my coffee table. He’s staring at the pipe bowl and the blue rocks beside it. “What’s this?” He asked, picking the crystal rocks up, and feeling it. He jerked up, “Is this what you went to Lyle for?”


    “What is it?” Emily was hard to hear.


    “I didn’t get it from him. I got it from my brother.”


    “Is this fucking meth?!”


    “What if it is?”


    “What the fuck, Elizabeth?! You’re turned into the one thing you promised you’d never be!”


    I laughed.


    “You think this is funny?! After all that talk about how you’ll never be like your brother? Wasn’t that your biggest fear? You didn’t allow yourself to get fucked up like everyone else because of him! And now you’re doing fucking meth?!”


    “And what if I am?”


    Cody grabbed the bowl and tossed it at the wall, breaking it violently. Emily flinched in surprise. He flipped the coffee table with his foot and moved to tower over me.


    His eyes were gone. I liked to describe his eyes as watchful, protective, and piercing. It’s why I found them so captivating. Those eyes were gone. They were on fire. His nostrils raised.


    “Cody, stop!” Emily yelled, getting up from her seat.


    His fist clenched.


    My smirk wasn’t calming him down.


    I couldn’t move even if I wanted to. My legs were shaking too much. If they weren’t, I didn’t have any oxygen to power them. I was helpless. Powerless.


    Cody raised his fist.


    “Cody!”


    I didn’t have the energy to close my eyes.


    Emily shoved me to the ground and the fists connected on the side of her head instead. She landed on top of me and I had to catch her on her ribs. There was no meat there, only bone. Emily is frail. This is what she hides under her oversized clothes.


    She’s hyperventilating on my arms.


    Cody looked down at us, trying to calm down, realizing what he had just done.


    It happened again.


    He lost control.


    “Help me, Cody.” Emily struggled to say in between her manic breaths.


    His eyes are brought back to life, back to reality. He picked up Emily off of me and into his arms. My eyes didn’t loosen their wide tension watching how he calmed her down.


    The rubbing of her back.


    The frantic and repeating apology.


    The kiss on her lips.


    “Get out,” I finally managed to say.


    Emily and Cody left the second she could breathe.


    Her breaths became longer and more controlled. Mine were becoming erratic and shorter. My vision was becoming blurry.


    I was getting my own panic attack.


    I didn’t have anyone to calm me down.


    It was just me.


    Lyle said he would show me how to never feel this powerless anymore. He said he’d give me the Winter I wanted. It’s been days and I haven’t heard back from him. What was on my table wasn’t the same as what I drank. I didn’t meet the right woman in white.


    I was content with it being close.


    Lyle listened to all of my problems. “It’s beautiful,” he told me.


    “My suffering isn’t beautiful.”


    “But your survival is.”


    Remembering is an open wound.


    I knocked on the door again.


    The man opened it “Can I help-”


    I shot the gun.


    The body fell down next to me.


    The body fell down next to me.


    The body fell down next to me.


    I appreciate the concern.


    None of this was their fault.


    It’s me. It’s me. It’s my delusion.


    In winter,


    I collapse.